So I think I have a date this summer. Sometime between June 13 and June 16, Basil and I are going to get together, spend some time, and consume a yet-t0-be-determined beverage (he said something about orange juice, but I’m pretty sure he was teasing). It took a little while to sink in that I had just scheduled a date with him. It wasn’t until I wrote the words in a letter to Lucy the next day that I really realized what had happened the night before. Then I had to stop and breathe a moment. However, as I was writing, I realized that I really admire the way that Basil has handled the situation. This is the third time I’ve been in a class with an instructor who is interested in me. Of all those guys, he is the only one who has proceeded without:
- doing anything the slightest bit inappropriate,
- pushing my boundaries in any way, or
- leaving any doubt whether or when I would see him again.
At the same time, his discretion has given me a lot of freedom. I don’t need to know precisely how I feel about him. I don’t need to try to figure out exactly how he feels about me. I just don’t need to know. I have a lot of questions (am I really up for a bi-racial relationship? is he? we’re very different – can our personalities really mesh?), but knowing that I don’t have enough data to answer them in any meaningful way means that I’m less tempted to try. It’s very restful.
This absence of pressure is such a huge gift to me. My whole life is one big pressure cooker right now. I’m a full time student, and it’s the end of the semester. I have several other projects going on right now as well. And (barring a miracle) my roommate is dieing of liver cancer. On top of this, Joe has been calling every night wanting to talk. Trey (so far) only wants books, but he isn’t being all that clear about exactly what he wants. Basil doesn’t want anything from me right now. In June we’ll meet and go drink something. At the moment, he doesn’t need anything at all. It’s so nice. It may be the only restful thing in my life. Every time I think about it, I’m pretty sure my blood pressure goes down a notch.